I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
