i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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