Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
