The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
