I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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