I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
