this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
