Umm I'm too high to move.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im holly from the hills drunk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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