Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
