how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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