im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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