Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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