that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
