Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
