They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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