Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
