i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
