i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
