This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
