Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
