Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
