i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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