I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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