I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
