I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
