ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
