So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
