im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
