You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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