could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
