did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
