I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
