Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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