Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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