The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
