not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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