Can Purell be used as lube?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
