i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
