as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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