Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
