He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
