community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just high enough for therapy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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