i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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