I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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