why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
