afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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