I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
