just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
