Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
