If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
