Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize