tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
barbara walters just said penis...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
