I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
