I need help removing her.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
