I wish I could punch you in the face.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize