dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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