u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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