Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
