And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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