he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
