dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
