I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
