Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
