It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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