I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
