Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
